I Shouldn't Be Here
by Sg1Trooper
Summary: Jack gets a visit from Pete, and gets some news that will change his life forever.


**_I Shouldn't Be Here

* * *

_**

I shouldn't be here. I should be at home dulling my heart and blocking out the information I was given earlier.

I gripped the steering wheel and started to get out of my truck only to loose my courage and sit back down.

I really shouldn't be here. One of the neighbors might call the cops. Ha what a laugh the cops like I don't have enough problems in my life.

Why did I drive over here? Was it to verify the news I had gotten? Or was it another reason all together.

I should have been oblivious of what was happening in my ex-second in commands life. More like I didn't want to know what has happening see no evil hear no evil.

True I was now running the SGC and I had promoted her to Lt. Colonel but I had been dragged into this situation and now had become an unwilling party to what had happen tonight.

It should have been anyone but me to get this news first but I had and now I didn't know what to do.

It was suppose to be a nice quiet evening. The first one I had in a long time. I was going to catch up on the Simpson episodes that I'd missed and also watch the last 3 hockey games I had taped. The evening started out great no major emergencies from the base and Teal'c had dropped by to thank me for his house warming gift. I had spoken to Daniel and had made plans to have breakfast with him the following day.

I was not expecting the knock on my door at 10:30 p.m. I had dozed off on the couch and was disoriented I got up to see who was pounding at my door at such a late hour. I peeked through the window and was shock to see who was at my doorstep.

Skeet Shansomething was at my house at 10:30 p.m. looking a little perplexed. The first thing that came to my mind was that something had happened to Carter.

I flung the door open and startled old Skeet.

"Ah Colonel O'Neill, I don't think you remember me my name is Pete Shanahan I'm Sam's boyfriend I was wondering if I could talk to you."

I stared him down at him giving him the look I gave to new recruits when I gave them the rules and regulations of the mountain.

I waved him in to the living room not yet willing to have to talk to him. I stopped and thought he called me Colonel? I shook it off. I then looked down at what I was wearing and thought great you gave him you're pissed off General look in the Bart Simpson boxers Cassie had given you for Christmas. Yeah you've got him shaking in his boots O'Neill.

I pointed to the couch he took off his jacket and sat down. I picked up the remote and lowered the volume.

What the hell was he doing here? He was surveying my living room when I cleared my throat.

"Detective Shanana what are you doing here? Is something wrong with Carter? Second how did you find out where I live? I'm not exactly in the book and third I'm no longer a Colonel I'm a Brigadier General. So answer my questions first and will go from there."

He looked a little peeved, but why should he be upset when he was at my house he came on his own or did he.

"I'm sorry General I didn't know you were promoted. Hell I just found out today that Sam was promoted to Lt. Colonel."

He dragged his hand through his receding hairline and spoke again.

"I kind of asked a friend on the Colorado Springs PD and he did a name scan and he gave me your address. I've been sitting outside for the last two hours contemplating coming in here. Sam is… Sam 's fine I left her place and was on my way home when I turned around and decided to come here."

The rat bastard had me checked out? He had one of his brothers in blue give him my address. Okay Jack calm down will deal with that later. First things first he still hadn't answered my question on why he was here and another question popped into my head. Did Sam know he was here?

He stood up and had his back towards me. He started to explain why he was here. He said he was worried about Sam. That they had not seen much of each other for the last couple of months and he felt she was pulling away from him. He had called her brother to see if he had heard from her and he said that he had not heard from her or there father. He said that Sam had finally called him after he had threatened to come to the mountain until she would see him.

"I knew something was wrong it was the tone of her voice she seemed so sad. I asked if it was something I could help her with and that's when she burst into tears and said there was nothing anyone could do and that she was the one everyone was counting on to figure it out. It killed me to hear her cry like that. I told her I was on my way there but she said that she would not leave the mountain she was working on something that was taking all her time and effort and she didn't need me to be a distraction."

I closed my eyes I asked him how long ago was that phone call he said it was a couple of months ago. The timeline fit when I had become the human Popsicle. What had she gone through? Daniel skirted the issue and Teal'c point blank told me to talk to her about it. But being the good General that I was I avoided the issue not wanting to hear the pain and sorrow she had gone through over me.

Pete started to speak again. He said a short time after he had that conversation with her Sam's brother had called to tell him she was home and to give her a call. He said he called her and got her machine when she didn't respond he got some time off and drove all night to her house and getting there to see here in bed thrashing and calling out fifth.

I nodded to him and he continued. The anger in me started to rise.

Fifth that bastard next time I'd see him I'd be sure to introduce him to my replicator killer beam. He deserved to fall into a million pieces then zatted three times.

I held my tongue and closed my eyes.

I remembered traveling back on Thor's ship after the whole replicator thing and us rescuing her. I walked by and heard her whimpering in her sleep. She had said she was fine but I knew better. I made sure I was close by when ever she went to sleep. In one dream she screamed out his name and asking him to please stop that she was only following orders and to stay away from her. She started to thrash around in the bed and I had gathered her in my arms like I had always wanted to. I started to soothe her and she started to calm down. She put her arms around me and repositioned herself on my shoulder. I nodded off and that's how Daniel found us.

I hadn't been listening to Pete and he said he had taken care of her but she seemed scared of him. He asked me if there was anything I could fill in the blanks with. I nodded no and said it was classified.

He put his hands in his jacket and went on. He said they had talked as much as possible about what was bothering her and he said he tried to be supportive.

"This is difficult for me General I want to be a part of her life but a big part of it she can't speak about. How were you able to keep your personal life away from your work life and how did your ex-wife handle not being told what you do.

Ex wife, whoa who told him about Sara?

Did Sam or was it another one of his friends in the PD or FBI. He had crossed the line and was going to get an earful.

"Okay I was nice about this but I'm done being nice. I don't appreciate you poking your nose into my personal business. Sara is my ex-wife I cherish her privacy and I take offense to anyone prying in her or my life. I know you did a background check on Carter before the whole stakeout thing General Hammond was told and so was I since I'm her CO. Have you told her you did that? By the look on your face I take it you haven't. Whenever someone does a background checks on any SGC personnel we are informed."

Pete looked like he wanted to start a fight. I stood and waited for him to speak. I would like nothing better then to beat his head in for being with Carter and for prying into my business. God of all the guys she could have. She was right she did attract the lunatic fringe.

Pete held back and apologized. He said he only did it because he was concern about Sam and wanted to be a bigger part of her life.

"That's why I'm here I wanted to get your opinion on something. I was going to go see Dr. Jackson but he wasn't home. She always talks about you guys especially you. She admires you and I guess I wanted to see what was so great that she always brings up your name."

Admires me? Carter admires me and she talks about us to her boyfriend. It was starting to make sense the guy was sizing up the competition. Like he had anything to worry about, my feelings for Sam had been kept hidden away ever since she announced she was seeing someone. I felt betrayed at first but then stepped back and thought she deserved to be happy and if it was with someone else so be it.

"So what do you want to know about Sam that you don't know all ready? She's an excellent soldier a brilliant scientist and way smarter then me. She has a kind heart and would do anything for those she cares about."

Pete listened and said, "yeah your right she's all that and more. That's why I'm a little surprised with her reaction."

I gave him a puzzled look. Reaction to what, Pete sat down and had his hands in his face. He looked up and I could have sworn I could see tears waiting to fall.

I so didn't want to hear this. I had the man who had taken away the woman of my dreams in my living room wanting to cry.

"General I love Sam and even though we haven't known each other that long I know I want to spend the rest of my life with her. She's everything I want in a woman. So I was a little surprised today when I asked her to marry me and she said she freaked out and told me to leave that she needed time to think."

The room had just gotten smaller, and the oxygen had just been sucked out of it.

No was screaming in my head. This was a nightmare.

He did not say he had asked Sam my Sam to marry him. Oh God no. I waited to long. I felt sick to my stomach. I was so envious of this man I could probably snap his neck in two and dump his body no one would be the wiser. But that wouldn't resolve anything and Carter would start to ask questions and I could never lie to her. Wait she told him she needed to think about it. There still might be a chance.

"She said she had to think about it? Well that sounds like a Carter answer. Ah don't take it personal it's the way she is. So when is she going to give you an answer," I asked

"I wasn't expecting this and well I got a little upset. I asked her if there was someone else and she denied it. But…"

I got up if I needed to walk out side I needed to breathe. If he would notice my reaction then he would know that I was in love with his girlfriend, no fiancé oh boy did I need a drink.

"Is there someone else general?"

Wow that was a loaded question.

I should say yes and its me to see what he would say but I couldn't do that the fraternization rules me being her CO and countless of other things that could not be explained or I could try to attempt to explain. Wait he just accused his girlfriend of messing around?

I nodded my head no.

"If you're asking that question then you really don't know Carter. She wouldn't do that she is loyal to a fault and she would not be running around behind your back."

Pete stuttered and said he wasn't implying that but since I worked with her everyday that maybe I had an insight of what was bothering Sam.

I had enough of the third degree from this fool, I had been polite and my patience had just run out.

"What do you want me to do Shanahan? Spy on your girlfriend? Not going to happen so if you don't have any other questions I suggest you leave now."

He knew he had pissed me off and jumped to his feet.

"I'm sorry to have dragged you into this, but I needed answers and she wont talk to me. She's asked for time but I need to know what is going around in her head. Was I only a distraction to her? Just someone to fill in the time I deserved an answer and she wont cooperate. I know I shouldn't ask you but could you go to her and ask how she is. I left her in tears and I'm regretting it now. You're not doing this for me but for her."

He got up and went to the door apologizing for interrupting my evening and left.

I should have punched him in the face. But he knew what he was doing he had hurt her and needed someone to go over and pick up the piece and who better then one of her friends. He had left out parts of the story I knew and the guilt of knowing she was alone and in tears made me walk into my room pull on a pair of jeans and shirt and drive over to make sure she was okay.

I called and the machine came on I left a message asking her to call me. I got into my truck and drove over.

I sit here contemplating why I came and why I care and why I let you slip through my fingers. I didn't have somebody to love not anymore I leaned my head onto the steering wheel and think how I had blown my chance at happiness and if I was truly to late.

Part 2

Pete had left in a whirlwind. He was angry at me but I couldn't honestly give him an answer to the question he had asked. He said he had a surprise but I honestly wasn't expecting this.

He had proposed.

I thought his surprised was the pint of Ben and Jerry's Gobfather and Chocolate Chip chocolate ice cream in the fridge.

He was nervous all night and I knew he was up to something. A dozen roses were delivered to me and he had insisted we have dinner outside under the stars. He said it made him feel closer to me when I was off world he would go outside and look up at the stars and wished on the shiniest one knowing I was there and willing me to come home quickly to him.

I was touched by the jester and rewarded him with a kiss. He spilt wine on my best table cloth and had not eaten any of his dinner. I finished and was about to go inside to get another bottle of wine when he grabbed my hand and yanked me down to my chair and got down on one knee.

I thought he was hurt and asked if he was alright. He nodded no.

I tried to get up to call 911 but he said that was not what he meant. I was getting perturbed by all of this and point blank asked him what the hell was wrong with him.

He saw I was angry and blurted out, "Sam I love you I can't live without you and I know we can make it work and I want children and I know you do to and you would be making me the happiest man in the world and please say yes."

I remember trying to make sense of what he had said but he pulled out a small box from his pocket and my dinner was about to make an unexpected appearance. He still held my hand and slipped the ring onto my finger.

I yanked my hand away from him and tried to breath.

He had just asked me to marry him? Oh boy.

He was still on his knees and tried to kiss me I was still in shock when I heard him whispered, "so yes Sam will you be my wife."

I blurted out no and covered my mouth with both hands. I still couldn't breath and he was dumbstruck.

I shook my head and asked why did he want to marry me? My questions were endless.

He was not happy.

He probably hadn't expected me to ask so many questions.

I finally remembered that I had not answered him and said that I was just surprised and why would he want to marry me.

He started to name reasons why he loved me but they seemed hollow. He had only known me for 6 months and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me?

God it felt like the walls were closing in on me and I was outside. I got up and he got off his knees and followed me inside. I went straight to the refrigerator and pulled out another bottle of wine I so needed a drink.

The ring was huge I knocked it against the bottle of wine and I turned it around to get a better look at it.

It was not me.

The diamond was too big it was in yellow gold and it had smaller diamonds in-circling it. I had always wanted a plain band with an emerald cut or princess cut diamond that would not be to flashy. Something simple.

I got the wine opener and he was still giving me reasons as to why he loved me and wanted me to be his wife.

God I needed a timeout.

I opened the wine and went to grab my glass when the ring hit it and knocked it off the counter.

It shattered to pieces and I groaned. He got on the floor to pick up the pieces. If only it was that simple to pick up the pieces of my life. When did I lose control? Why did I settle for less when the one I truly wanted thought I had moved on with my life with another by my side.

I looked at Pete and then at the ring and knew it was wrong. But how was I going to break the news to him.

I went to get another wine glass and poured wine into it. Pete asked me if I loved him.

I said yes. He then asked why I didn't want to marry him.

I told him that it was a big step and we hadn't known each other that long.

"Sam I know everything I need to know about you. You're my soul mate I know I could make you happy if only you would give us a chance."

Soul Mate? He said I was his soul mate. How could I be his soul mate when my true mate was someone I could not have some one I had loved from afar and had to keep my feelings hidden?

I was starting to feel sick. The wine the dinner were threatening to come back up. I pushed him aside and he grabbed my arm. I gasped and pulled out of his grip and went outdoors.

He followed me saying he deserved an answer that I was just toying with him and if I truly didn't love him then to let him know.

I sat on my lounge chair with my back to him. I couldn't face him I didn't want to have this argument now. I needed to think but he continued to yell and scream and accused me of not being fair to him or his love for me.

When I wouldn't answer him he got nasty and started to call me a tease. I looked up and asked him nicely to leave that he was upset and I didn't want to deal with him.

"Fine run away again Sam that's the story of your life. Mark was right you do need a strong hand to guide you in your life and if you would just give me a chance I could be that man."

I got up and went to the door and told him to leave that I needed time and if he opened his mouth I would never talk to him or see him again.

He threw his hands up and said he was just trying to complete my life that we were soul mates and we needed each other.

I burst into tears. He didn't have a clue about being a soul mate a soul mate was someone that you shared your heart with a kinship between two people someone that cares enough to touch your heart and leave an imprint on your life.

He tried to comfort me and I pushed him out the door and yelled at him to leave me alone.

That was hours ago and I still was in shock.

I finally took off the ring and placed it back in the box. I could marry him and be content with what Pete had to offer or I could just leave things the way there were and wait to see when our time would come.

Our time I try not to laugh out loud. When would we have our time or had our time passed. He had been distant since I told him I was seeing someone else. Deep down I wanted him to take me into his arms and say please don't do this to us.

But instead he said he was happy for me and that I deserved to finally have a life.

Didn't he know I had a life with him. That I was waiting for our time to finally come that I wanted nothing more then to be with him but for some god foresaken rules we were not allowed to follow our hearts.

What a mess my life had become. I tried to hold back the tears but it was too late. I wanted to feel sorry for myself and I wasn't going to stop.

Why couldn't I be happy.

Why did the men I care for were either luantics or died on me? I was destined to be alone I knew it and I had done everything in my power to make sure I shut out the man that held my heart out of my life for good.

I was lost in thought and had not heard the door open behind me I was looking up at the sky and saw a shooting star. I closed my eyes and said aloud "I wished things were back to normal. No Pete, Janet still alive and that Jack would love me as much as I love him."

I heard a gasp and thought it was Pete.

I didn't turn around I had been caught. My true feelings had been exposed but I didn't care I couldn't string him along any longer and the sooner he knew the better.

I took a deep breath held my glass of wine in my hand and turned around to face the music.

The last thing I remember was seeing those eyes that had haunted me for years me my glass shattering to the floor and everything fading to black.

Part 3

I got out of the truck and walked up the drive way.

Why was I here?

Because your a glutton for punishment and you know you wont be able to sleep till you hear it from her own mouth that shes's moved on.

You knock and no one answers. The lights were on and her car was in the driveway.

My mind kicked in to the worse scenario.

If he had laid a hand on her there was nowhere on this planet he could hide. Pete Shanahan was a dead man.

I tried the door and it was opened. I walked in and called out her name. I went to the living room and then down the hall to her bedroom. There was no sign of her.

I went to the kitchen and saw the broken glass on the floor. I heard noises outside and knew she must have gone out to cool off.

I saw her through the window she was staring at the ring he had given her and saw my answer. she was wearing it.

I felt the bile rising to my throat and gripped the sink. I should go I see that she is well and I don't need to hear her confirm what I've been told.

But the next thing she did suprised me. She took off the ring and placed it back in the box. She had the frown lines that form on her forehead and she shook her head. She put the box on the table.

I heard her laugh bitterly and hold back the tears. Why was she upset? wasn't this what she wanted? A normal life?

I needed to talk to her I walked through the dinning room and heard her speak.

"I wish things were back to normal. No Pete, Janet still alive and that Jack would love me as much as I love him."

My knees nearly gave out when I heard her declaration. I gasped and saw her stiffen. Did she know I was here? I waited for her to turn before I spoke.

She took a deep breath and turned around. She paled and her eyes were as big as saucers. She dropped the glass of wine and started to fall.

I caught her before she hit the ground.

I checked her pulse and it was fast. Samantha Carter did not faint and well she fainted. I picked her up and took her inside.

I went to get a cold cloth from the bathroom and placed it on her forehead. I cupped her face and silently pleaded with her to wake.

Her eyes started to flutter and she had a panicked look to her face and closed her eyes again.

"Carter are you okay," I asked.

"Please tell me your a figment of my imagination, because if your not I am going to die right her right now for what I just said."

I smirked, "The part about missing janet or the part about going back to normal."

She groan, "oh god you did hear didn't you?"

She hid her face with her hands. I pulled them so Icould see her and she asked if we could pretend this never happened.

I was about to answer when she sat up.

"Sir why are you here? Is there something wrong? Cassie, Daniel, Teal'c?"

I shook my head no.

I stood up and whispered that Pete came to my house.

"He what! Why and how does he know where you live I never told him? Oh god what did he say and please tell me everything".

She looked panicked.

I smiled to myself she was upset as I was that the man of her so called dreams had interferred in my private life.

She got up from the couch and turned me around.

"I'm sorry sir he was out of line he had no right to go to your home and dump my our problems on your door step. Theres' no excuse. I'm truly sorry."

I told her it was alright that I was scared something had happened to her and he was there to give me the bad news.

She smiled at me and said she was sorry again.

"Sir what did he want?"

"He was worried about you. Asked if I could come over and see if you were okay. He said you weren't happy and he had asked you a question and was suprised at the reaction you gave him."

There I had said enough not wanting to know but giving her enough info to see if she would fill in the blanks and let me know where she stood.

she mumbled idiot and I turned to hide my smile.

She asked me to sit down and she would explain what had happened that night.

I sat and waited she was fidgeting with her hands and I grabbed them and said to stop she was making me nervous.

She blurted out, "Pete asked me to marry him tonight, but I couldn't say yes".

I took a deep breath and murmured, "but you didn't say no. He's under the impression you needed time and well he was a bit taken back buy what you said."

"No I didn't, becuase I don't know what I want. I use to know but now I don't."

I look at the turmoil etched on her face.

This was it I was going to get my answer one way or another. I turned to her took her hands into mind and asked, "Sam what is it that you want. Be honest and tell me what's in your heart."

She gasped at what I just confessed. She looked into my eyes and whispered, "you."

Me? She wants me. I smile and I know I look like a damn fool but I don't care. She still cares for me and thats enough. I pull her into my arms and she starts to cry saying it had always been me that she tried to replace me in her heart but it was no use that she was in love with me and rules or not she didn't care she was going to have what she had denied herself for so long.

I tell her I wanted her to be happy that was the only reason why I had not said anything in the past that I wanted her to know that my feelings had not changed and that if she were to change her mind I would understand. Just knowing she was happy was enough for me.

She cupped my face into her hands and kissed me. She murmured that I was her soulmate that we were destined to be together in this timeline and every other timeline in the universe.

I asked her about Pete and she said, "its been over for so long but I didn't want to hurt him. I used him and I feel horrible about it. But deep down I think he knew that I was pulling away. You have always been a constant in my life and he could never replace you in my heart."

I kissed her and said, "I never gave him a chance I guess I was jealous that he got to have you the way I had always wanted to. We should thank him for coming to me with his concerns for you."

"I just wish I didn't have to hurt him but he'll understand that I could love him but not be in love with him it just not fair to him."

She started to tear up and I pulled her close and told her it was okay that he would survive. She nodded and snuggled into my shoulder and whispered now what.

"Now I get to show you what you really mean to me and tomorrow I get to sign that resignation letter that's been in my desk since you started dating. "

"No you can't retire, I wont let you."

"Sam we can't be in the same chain of command its okay I had my run its your turn now."

she shook her head no, "I'll retire and they can hire me as a consultant, I want to start a family and well I can't be going through the gate if I want to do that."

Start a family?

She said start a family okay now I really am going to pass out.

She takes my hand and squeezes it.

"So are we going to start on those little O'Neill's," she stands up and pulls me towards ehr bedroom. I pick her up and say, "yes ma'am whatever you say."

She giggles and kisses me.

I nuzzle her neck and she whisper I love you I smile back and say not as much as I love you.

She takes my hand puts it over her heart and says always here in my heart.

I put her on the bed and kiss her and whisper "always."


End file.
